I found my exact feelings on adulthood in a Cracked column

“Getting older and stumbling into adulthood isn’t just about responsibilities and maintaining your precious sleep schedule; it’s also about doing whatever the hell you want (assuming “whatever the hell you want to do” isn’t “abandon my family and murder all the people”). Sometimes I just take fun trips on a whim with my friends, because we all have jobs that pay us real money, and that’s literally the only thing you need to rent a cabin for a weekend, or go skiing, or head to Vegas. I’m getting a dog soon because I looked around my apartment and was like “No dog? That’s stupid.” If I want to spend a Saturday sitting on my computer in my underwear, I probably wouldn’t do that, but only because I already did that on Wednesday because my grown-up job lets me work from home if I want. I prefer crunchy peanut butter, but we always had smooth in my house growing up because I was in the minority in my preference, and the O’Brien household is nothing if not utilitarian in our grocery shopping. I’m the only one who does the grocery shopping for me now, so not only do I have crunchy peanut butter, but every single thing in my kitchen is a piece of food that I love. Wrap your heads around that, teenagers. Drink it in. I open up my refrigerator and I never lose. I had corndogs for breakfast, Cheez-its for dinner, and fuck you for lunch.”