"My wife doesn't have any money, but what she does...
I love the Taken reference in How I Met Your Mother.
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Manhattan in a nutshell
Me: How much is a gin and tonic?
Trendy bartender: Ten bucks. *walks away immediately*
Hangovers suck. They suck big, fat bags of donkey dicks. Like 463836 of them. Coffee on the other hand, that shits awesome.